Thursday, April 24, 2014

Baby Steps

What a fantastic week.  I really can't say I have had a better week than this week.  This week has definitely been the best week of 2014 and maybe 2013 too.  Why?  Well because every single day more and more of the past 18 weeks of chemo drugs have drifted from my blood stream.  Every day I feel better and better.  The numbness in my toes and fingertips has subsided to almost nothing.  The metallic mouth is almost non-existent.  No sign of a migraine.  It truly is a dream come true and an answered prayer.  Just a little relief has been incredible.  

It is so true that you really don't appreciate the little things in life until they are gone.  I really missed just feeling good.  Just feeling energetic and not helpless.  People have even said that I have gained weight (in a good way, they add).  It is true, I have gained more weight that I lost at the beginning of my cancer journey.  Now to get rid of that....well, maybe next week.  I have got to remember a few things about this time right now before my next scan on May 7th.  Here they are:

1.  Don't rush things, you have been through a lot, take it slow.

2.  Be patient, May 7th is only two weeks away.

3.  Don't forget.

You know that is the most important point.  Don't forget.  On Good Friday after I posted my blog, I got up and took a drive to the grocery store.  I let down the windows and even opened the sunroof.  The sun, which I had avoided for so long afraid of migraines, was a welcome warmth on my skin.  I turned on some music (not telling you what....maybe it was One Direction), and just felt alive again.  I felt alive again.  I never want to forget that moment.  Because it was for moments like that one that are what living is all about.  

This is where the real battle begins.  Not in the midst of the trenches where you can easily see what is good and what is evil.  The real battle is in the everyday life.  I can easily slip back into my life before cancer, where I didn't appreciate every sunset, every cool breeze, every Dole Whip, every laugh, every George Winston song, every hug, every moment with my wife, every breath.  When God used Moses to lead His people out of Egypt and out of slavery, He parted the Red Sea right in front of them and they walked right through and you know what they did on the other side?  They worshipped an idol.  They completely forgot who they should serve and gave it all away to something else.  This is the real battle is living every day serving the right God.  

It is baby steps now.  I am going to slowly get back to where I was physically.  I am going to start walking again and maybe even play a little Ultimate.  But I can't go back to where I was spiritually.  I have to keep moving forward.  As my baby steps turn into being "me" again, I can't forget what He has done and I can't forget to keep looking at what He is doing.

We think sometimes that God is only in the big things, but as I have talked about before on here, God is in the details.  We can't forget to look for Him in the still, small whisper.  So that is what I have to do, never forget.

"The Lord said, 'Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.'  Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind.  After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake.  After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.  And after the fire came a gentle whisper.  When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.  Then a voice said to him, 'What are you doing here, Elijah?'"  - 1 Kings 19:11-13

Listen for that voice, never forget what He has done for you, and continue to Journey Strong.

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