First off, it was a great week. No migraine. No nausea. Of course there was the complete numbness in my fingers and hands for a few days. And there was you know that complete weird feeling that something is wrong. But really in the grand scheme of the week, it was a great one. When I was beginning my journey as a blogger, I was really just trying to give people an easy way to get an update on my progress and to ease their minds. I truly never thought that many people would take a look at this site.
Recently I have really been questioning my career as a teacher. I am sure we all do this no matter the profession. I made it over the hump of 5 years as a teacher and education has not run me off yet. But still I question is this really what I am made for. I teach Geometry and Trig/Advanced Algebra. Some days I truly wonder why I am teaching some of this stuff. Honestly people I adore Mathematics and I respect it. I just cannot make learning the Fundamental Theorem of Algebra sexy or most other topics for that matter. (Although I do have a pretty incredible ratio and proportions lesson that revolves around Disney (see previous posts)). That being said, many days I wonder if I am even making an impact. I think do these kids even hear me? Surely they don't.
A big thought in the world today is that God doesn't care about the details. He doesn't care about the minute things that we care about. Like if we wake up to see the sunrise or feel a cool breeze or eat a favorite piece of candy. The thought goes something like, "yeah God CARES about the BIG things like, you know, MAJOR struggles and fears and doubts, but he could care LESS about the other stuff."
When I look back at my life, I see mistakes. I see decisions I have made that hurt people. I see the downfalls, the failures, the embarrassment. Others see it too. They tell me about them to my face and behind my back. I feel worthless. I feel guilty. I feel shame. Surely that is what God sees, because He sees everything. He knows more secrets than anyone. He sees me as the scum that I am.
I actually feared this week. I was afraid on Monday, when I felt down all day. Not ill just down and weak. I truly trembled all day on Wednesday, worried about another migraine. Yet all week, I have slowly realized that God loves me. No this is not a new sensation, yet it feels new again. Here is how it went. First there was no illness. No Migraine. No nausea. No pain. Then the most incredible things began happening.
Monday afternoon, while my students were taking a test, a former student came into my room with a poster. She brought it to my desk and there in front of me was a picture of Timon and Pumbaa with the words Hakuna Matata written in big letters across it (that means no worries). No only that, but the poster was signed by people...Lots of people. To say I was touched is an understatement. I barely kept it together. The next morning though, I walked into my room to find my walls covered with student artwork, depicting different characters from the world of Disney. Many of those too filled with signatures and notes from students and teachers. I was floored. God says, "hey Mr. Yelverton, you are loved." Thank goodness noone was in the room to see the waterworks. That moment might have been the greatest moment of my career as an educator. It had nothing to do with math.
Wednesday night I was feeling great and I got to teach bible study at the church to the youth group. We are studying Romans and man does Paul remind us we are guilty. But the thing is, I love teaching. It doesn't matter if it is math, the bible, Disney, I love to teach. God says, "hey Bryce, go teach, you are good at it."
Thursday and I am feeling like my old self again. My "non chemo" self. Lunch is great, but see I just introduced Theta to my Geometry students and Theta is kind of spelled like Feta and that makes me really just want to eat Keifer's (greek restaurant in Jackson). Saturday is my father in law's birthday so Carly and I called and asked him if we could take him to dinner. His pick. We call him on the way and say, "where you want to eat?" He says, "I just had this crazy thought to go to Keifer's, what do you think?" God says, "hey Bryce, go eat a Gryo."
Wednesday night after church I pretended like I needed to go to Kroger to get some few essentials like deodorant and toothpaste, but really I knew that the Easter candy was being put out now that Valentine's is over. I got to Kroger just to see boxes blocking the now Easter candy aisle. My beloved Sweettart Jelly Beans were not yet ready to be sold to the public. (I did buy deodorant don't worry) While at dinner, my mom calls me and asks if we are at home. I say no, why? She says, "oh I have some bags of Sweettart Jelly Beans for you." She places them in my mailbox. I am eating them while I type. God says, "Bryce, I know you."
Now bare with me. I know some of this can truly be blown way out of proportion. You might be thinking, "God does not care about you getting Jelly Beans." But you see to me it is all too clear. God is in the details. He is there when you look for Him. It wasn't because I challenged him. God give me Jelly Beans so I know you are out there. No it was the still, small voice. It was quiet. But I heard him loud and clear. "Son, you are loved."
Sometimes I just have to sit down and admit I am wrong. Eat a big piece of humble pie. Because God does not see me as a pile of mistakes and failures. He does care about what I care about. He wants to hear about it and experience it with me. He came for me even in my sin. He does care about the details. He cares about your details too.
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." - Romans 5:8
You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. - Psalm 139: 1-3, 13-14
And Because these were just too amazing to not share. Here is the artwork that my incredible students did.