Yesterday after my good morning and excellent lunch, I found that my vision was going on the fritz. To be honest, I was playing candy crush as a post lunch relaxation device and I could not see the whole screen on my phone at one time. There were spots in my vision. When I stood, I felt like my world was tilting and going dim. I began to lose all energy. While teaching my next class I could not plot points on a coordinate plane correctly. I began to sweat and get hot. My stomach started churning. I really honestly don't know how I made it to the end of that class. Really it was me pleading with God that He would let me get home before the worst happened. This is the part of the story where I truly feel thankful. At my job I work with teachers. Teachers are some of the most caring people in our lives. Yesterday they took my slack. The kindness of another carrying a load for you can make or break you. Yesterday, because of that kindness, I made it home.
That is of course when the worst happened.
I took meds and laid in bed between trips to the bathroom. The hours ticked by with no relief. I can't imagine that feeling lasting any longer. At moments I just wanted the pain and discomfort to stop. Just stop. I would do anything to make this stop. And it didn't stop. The migraine set in. The nausea never quit no matter how many trips I took. I thought, "there is no way I can continue on like this." Then sleep came. I awoke to a better feeling head and stomach, but I really couldn't move. The rest of the evening was spent in and out of sleep. Oyster crackers and water was dinner. And bed again before ten. The next morning I woke up to a dull pain in my head from the migraine. And I woke up to exhaustion. Today has been a day of little movement from my podium at school. Nap after school.
The third flavor of cancer was not good.
Now where do I go from here? The good thing is that at my school there are alot of cancer survivors. I talked to three of them today. Each gave me more advice about dealing with these bad flavors. See that's the move that cancer is unaware that I am taking. See while it plans all the nasty things to do in my body, it doesn't know that I have a team behind me. I have veterans to help guide me through the challenges and make the next move. I have doctors who can monitor the nasty things that happen to me and prescribe other medicines to help take care of unwanted discomfort. I have a support team of family and friends who pray for me, bring food, rake leaves, get me a glass of water, and ask how they can help daily. And above all I have a leader who already knows cancer's next move. That is where I go from here. The biggest thing that Christ is teaching me through all this is that nothing is certain but Him. He knows the plans He has for me and they are more than I can ever ask for or imagine. So I have to trust Him that He knows cancer's next move. He knows how to best handle it. So I am going to rely on Him to move me through.
Another thing I have learned is that this is not a race, it is a marathon. Also, I want to be a hare, but I really have to be a tortoise. As is with life. Don't just run through it, crashing and clanging into obstacles. That is what I was trying to do. I was trying to actively beat cancer with all my energy and it was because of all that effort that I crashed. Slow and steady wins this race. Patience is not something that I am good at, but it is something that I am learning.
I will be reaching into the bag of Every Flavor Beans again a week from today. I don't know what the flavor is that I will get, but I worship the one who does. Here is to a nice toffee flavored one.